Hello, family!
How was your week in parenting? What was the most challenging part that when you think back makes you say parenting is super hard? What is the moment that makes you think you are the worse parent? What are you struggling with the most lately? What would you ask other parents for advice and support?
Please, have your questions in the comments below or just reply to this email. I will have them answered in my next month’s post “ask Miha”.
You are never alone and you are not the only one struggling with that situation. Dare to ask, be open to suggestions, apply some new tools and watch your life get easier.
You are doing your best to raise your child!
You are the best parent your child could ever have!
Never, ever think anything less than that. I admire you the most. You are my heroes and the best parents. Never doubt your parenting skills. Believe in your parenting power. You know what your child needs, you love your child the most and you are doing all the hard work. You deserve a round of applause for the courageous parent in you.
Remember the tools I mentioned for the past months? Make a list with your favorite ones or at least choose one that you think you can do and play it. It will work. Remember: it gets worse before it gets better. Be consistent, it will get better. When you tell your child the truth, you keep your word and follow-through, it is impossible not to get better. You are the parent. Dare to be the parent. Along with “I love you”, side by side with YES and NO, the energy clears, the confusion disappears and we can enjoy life with children.
Ask Miha
“ How to stop my 3 years old from hitting. They are light taps and she knows she isn’t supposed to because she apologizes right after. They come out of frustration or anger like tonight when bedtime spiraled so we took a hardline on no more books. She was upset and hit me. I have a temper myself so I know what I am up against. Most of the time she can walk away, and ask for a hug but the hitting is still there. Will this simply pass if we keep stressing the other alternatives?”
Here we go…
Hitting is real. Make peace with hitting, is not magically going away. There will always be some level of frustration that will make us hit something. It’s a form of release that helps us cooperate with intense negative feelings. We can’t erase hitting but we can find better ways to manage it and correct it.
I used to get so upset with hitting. I still do, simply because is not a pleasant feeling when someone tries to hit you. But sometimes I feel like I want to hit. What changed over the years is the way I handle the situation. I always try to go back to my little me and see myself in that situation. When we were kids we had no rights but to go and play. At least in my family, I had to learn to suppress my feelings and just go and play. I remember my brother holding his hand out on my forehead keeping me away from him when I was ready to punch him. Being the youngest one I got left out a lot, and my frustration was real. Even the parents, back in the days, just because they were the “big” ones we had to listen and go play. Today, I ask myself: what did my little Miha want back then? To be heard and understood. I had my feelings and opinions, I wanted the right to express them. I wanted some things to go my way.
I am here to tell you that your children have their feelings, opinions, desires, and expectations. Honor them with love and respect. That doesn’t mean the kids get to run the house and hit around, it means they deserve a seat at the round family table where they can speak freely and have their perspective on life.
Children are beginners and they have seven years of intense learning how to handle life out there. Be their number one teacher, coach, and supporter!
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My lovely asking parent,
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